The Perils of Being "Born This Way"
Photo: (AP). "India Lady Gaga"
It's not a choice, but what does that really matter?
The gay community has made a significant amount of progress in the last 10 years alone. LGBTQ+ acceptance has become widespread and the scales seem to be slowly tipping towards equality. One of the largest successes that LGBTQ+ activists have seen in recent years is the increased popularity in the idea that a person’s sexuality is determined at birth. The “born this way” mantra adopted by the community is a piece of powerful and compelling rhetoric that is especially useful when coming out of the closet. As sex columnist Dan Savage once put it, a male coming out to his parents is essentially looking his mother in the eye and telling her “I put dicks in my mouth.” It is a lot easier for a parent, or anyone for that matter, to accept a person admitting their abnormal sexual behaviors if they can release themselves from all responsibility for their urges by simply stating, “I was born this way.” The born this way mantra is ultimately a rhetorical device used to diminish the shame the sexually subversive have been conditioned to feel. A lot of good has come from the acceptance of sexual orientation as genetic, but the LGBTQ+ community is selling itself short every time someone uses that phrase to justify their sexuality.
“Born this way” would be a much heavier argument that I would have much less of a problem with if there was actually any conclusive science to back it up . This is hardly the first time that shoddy science has emerged in order to influence and change social narratives. Phrenology was used to justify slavery and all sorts of other terrible racist things until around the 1840s when the real science began to discredit it. People bought into phrenology because it was an appealing discourse that suited their needs. “Born this way” is paving the way for social progress, whereas phrenology was used to justify evil, so at some point don’t the ends justify the means if we can look at this discourse and determine that it’s objectively bringing us closer to equality? Perhaps. But even if you don’t mind that this is an argument with no concrete backing, I still believe the community is selling itself short.
The born this way logic disproportionately benefits homosexuals. Lesbians and gays are absolved of all responsibility for their same sex attractions. The bisexual, pansexual, and sexually fluid on the other hand, all have the ability to live out their lives in heterosexual relationships. “Born this way” does little to address why members of the non-homosexual queer community should explore and embrace the full extent of their sexuality. The questions it raises about trans people are also problematic. If someone is born with the genes to make them physically one sex, but a different gene that causes them to identify as the other sex, which is correct? In this case, the born this way argument can actually be used as anti-trans rhetoric.
Rather than trying to address the root cause of non-heterosexuality and fighting for equality on the basis that we didn’t choose to be different, we should be arguing that we are human beings; that we are consenting adults and we shouldn’t be discriminated against on the basis of whom we’re attracted to. We should be attempting to redefine what a “normal” and “healthy” sexuality is. We should be fighting for society to understand that our abnormal, unnatural sexualities and gender identities are only considered abnormal and unnatural because that’s what society considers them.
Ultimately, it shouldn’t matter what way I was born. It shouldn’t matter whether my sexuality was determined by nature or nurture. It shouldn’t even matter if I chose my sexuality. Let’s shift our focus away from why I love who I love and focus on what I am. I am human being, and whether or not I like to put dicks in my mouth should not determine whether or not you’re going to respect me.
